Moving from our history is a process. It’s as if as we walk forward we shed a piece of clothing. Slowly stripping ourselves of an old way and stepping into freshness like new skin.
The relationship I had with money was dysfunctional to say the least. This relationship was unbalanced, untrusting, unforgiving, disappointing and basically a huge struggle. For the story deep within me that kept repeating was that I wasn’t good enough and money had to arrive through “love” or I would need to kick, scream and manipulate to receive it. Of course I had no idea why I made the choices I did, I was following my feelings as probably you are too. Navigating from the fears and doubts. It’s not until we reflect inward do we understand.
As you can imagine this was draining and a cycle I kept myself in until one day I couldn’t show up the same way anymore. I had been pushed into a corner where I felt so emotionally fatigued that I surrendered. I couldn’t keep going the way I did. So I sat in that corner and I cried a lot. I was letting go of how I thought it should look and opening to what else. I released pent up emotions I was holding onto for so long and had been ignored. When I was done crying I went and spent some time with the true Mother, Pachamama.
I didn’t know how I was going to pay my rent or my bills but I had to let go. I had to step away from my stories and trust something, God, Spirit, myself. Something more then this human limited way of being.
When we are so caught up in our emotional programming even hearing teachings and understanding them is hard to integrate. Spirit has shown me, guided me on this life and how we create but I had to find my letting go point to embody it all.
This is why saying affirmations don’t really work for there isn’t a clear path. We can ask or wish for something and we understand it logically. Of course it makes sense but that equation doesn’t take into the consideration of why it isn’t working.
You ask for something but underneath your subconscious believes something different. If you fully trusted and believed you can have what you are wishing then you also wouldn’t have to keep praying for the same thing. Do you not think who or what you are praying to hears you?
This turning point was so huge for me. As I learned to flow, trust, understand how I was showing up I have been able to navigate and receive more and more. For it wasn’t really about money but that’s the story line that penetrated me the most, had me pay attention so I could see myself more clearly. Yours may look different. Perhaps through love or a label or recognition. The underlying themes are usually the same. Self value, self love, inner peace, self trust, true joy and our own truth all are asking to be embodied fully in this, your life.
Recently I was reminded how far I’ve come. Perhaps you can relate to that feeling when you go to buy groceries and your card is declined. My old pattern would have ignited shame within and wanting me to slink away. But the evolved me now asks is there something wrong with the machine or do I need a new card? It brought an awareness arising within to be grateful for how far I have come, what I’ve let go of and how I stand as more my Divine self.
I share with you this and other stories to remind you that whatever or wherever you feel the struggles that you can move through them. There is more to this life than what you have experienced. So much more.
I’m not here to say what’s your right or wrong, for really there is no right or wrong. Life just is.
I choose to share how I understand this life to offer that wisdom to you. I know what it feels like to not be aligned with my authentic self and also to be more aligned with me. I am shown how you tick, what’s under it all, what your soul is asking for and why something isn’t working for you. It really is about awareness and perception and what you believe to be true. There is so much in understanding you beyond what you’ve been told or taught and what you grasp to save you. (Yes I know and have lived all of this).
If anything I hope you question your life, your beliefs, what ignites your movement. It isn’t about being a victim or a hero but being you. For victims need to be saved and hero’s need to be more then something or someone to conquer. There isn’t anything to conquer or be saved from, only to understand yourself and live and create from that authentic point.
Love and blessings to you.