As life continues on, grief appears in different ways. Perhaps not as obvious but subtle.
The heaviness from within when you look at old photos or hear a long ago voice message.
We learn to stand tall and step forward carrying our pains with us.
Is there ever really rest with goodbyes? Is there ever really any resolve?
I came to the waters to be held today. It is low tide, not many people around. The waters invite me into being quiet, pulling myself inward so I may feel the love that holds the pain within.
June 8th, 2021 my dad choose to move onward with his journey. His soul was ready for he was complete in this life. I honor and accept this but it does not make it easier.
Two years ago I was anxious, fearful of what was happening and felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I felt helpless sitting next to my dad. I couldn’t offer him healing because I wasn’t supposed to and also because my filter of my wounded self would have been in the way.
My dad tells me now he transitioned shortly after I left. I wasn’t supposed to witness his last breath. It would have been too much. As he let go of my hand and rolled away from me that was his sign of still protecting me as he knew. Not showing me, the little girl in me, this man I had feared most of my life, this man I had wanted so much from, this man I didn’t understand from a child’s view, this man that took care of us as he knew, provided for us. This man with his dignity turned to disconnect and fly. He speaks to me often from the unseen, his tones and smile lift me. His character is still present. I can feel his love, kindness, his generosity.
I think we aren’t supposed to forget people. Spirit speaks often about honoring the journey between souls. Even if in our eyes it wasn’t ideal, the relationship was there for purpose. To perhaps help us be our own unique self. To feel the love of self, to push us into a courageous path, to open to others for help. But it also aides those transitioned. To understand their journey, their choices and to learn from them.
Many times I have spoken to a loved one in the unseen. There are apologies, expressions of love and understanding. They come forth to help those still holding onto pains. So as we continue to walk the earth we utilize our past to lift us and not hold us back.
The emotional body can hold us back. Many are still caught in the past wishing for the parental guides to love us unconditionally, to speak of our value and importance and to lift us. But sometimes that doesn’t happen and so we venture into the world with our wounded emotions and are asked to grow up, suck it up, don’t feel, push the pain aside. But that pain shows up in our daily life through struggle and strain.
Today I am brought to the place where I feel so held. The waters wash over me and glide me forward with deeper understanding and meaning.
My father continues to teach me from the unseen through love. I honor him today and always.
And so as I reflect on my initial questions - Is there ever really rest with goodbyes? Is there ever really any resolve? I would answer yes. The rest and resolve come from our own inner understandings through self love and deep appreciation for our own journeys.
I celebrate this day of remembrance for the teacher in this life I called Pops.
Love and blessings,