Today I met up with anger. This is an emotion that I escaped from most of my life. I was taught to not feel it, push it away, it doesn't serve us. Thus, many many years later I was invited to feel it. I didn't know how. I didn't want to experience it the way I'd been shown. Seeing the rage of fire from the eyes, a dog being thrown across the floor, holes punched in walls, yelling. I could feel all of that and wanted no part of it. I had to allow myself the experience my way. As if I was meeting a new friend for the first time. What I was suggested to do was scream, punch a pillow but those didn't work for me for that's not how this emotion shows up for me.
I believe we all feel differently in some variable and how an emotion feels isn't put into a box as if its a one size fits all coat. No, I believe it is it's own treasure to explore. I use the term treasure because all emotions remind us we are alive having these experiences. You can label them as good or bad or whatever but I see them all as messengers on our journeys. All valuable.
So, today as anger arose, I met it. I didn't run, I sat with it. As I sat, as I felt and listened to my inner wisdom, a young child emerged. An angry child - me. Pissed off at having to show up for someone when I felt they really didn't show up for me as I had wanted. As I sat longer, the tears released this built up feeling. It was really no longer about this other person but about myself. An invitation to be there for me presently, lovingly. This is my journey, my feelings, my interpretations, my choices. So I sat in child's pose for a long time finding comfort, nurturing in my depth.
This inner child that had felt abandoned wasn't abandoned by this person but from herself, me. I had left nurturing her long ago to cope, get through, fight my fights, conform, be accepted, feel loved. When really all of this I looked so hard for was being asked of myself for myself.
We go through struggles and strains and when we push forward it's important not to leave parts of ourselves pushed aside. It's important to love and nurture ourselves through the challenges because if we don't who will? Who really knows what you truly need but you?
Thus, as I sat in child's pose my body released, the emotion passed. It's job complete. For there wasn't a problem to solve but a part of me to love unconditionally.
I thank my trigger for without it I couldn't have let go and move through something I was holding onto that didn't serve me anymore.
Allow yourself to feel. Meet your emotions with inquiry, with partnership not in battle for if you do you will surely move more fluently forward.
I wish you much love and many blessings.
Aho beautiful one