The question of what else is there had been lingering for a long time, arising from dismay and feeling of lack. It wasn’t until I was in an emotionally dysfunctional marriage that it screamed at me. I couldn’t see how it could get better.
As I had done before with this feeling, I tried to mute it. First blaming myself - it’s my fault. I next tried to fix him, then I blamed him and finally I arrived at a point of knowing I had to accept the situation or change. In this awareness I let go of the story and opened myself to being shown or led to the what else is there, something more.
This path unfolds through the story presented. For me, at that time, it meant a job loss, foreclosure and him leaving. Perhaps one may say that’s not the most ideal situation to change in but it is. For to create real deep changes sometimes we must be brought to rebuilding our own foundation, internally and externally.
This started my path to follow the question of what else is there which at first was seeking someone to tell me who I was, asking where’s the money, a place to live, questions of survival really.
In hindsight I can see if someone was to tell me who I was at the time or telling me I channel and will step into a shamanic practice I wouldn’t have believed them. For at that time I was holding onto too many self disempowering wounds and beliefs that would have called bullshit.
But somehow life opened as my internal story would allow. A job, a place to live, people supporting me and yet it also brought me to opening myself. To start answering my own questions of who am I, why am I here, what else is there?
If you find yourself continuingly asking the same questions as I did, discover a way to ask a new question. For when we repeat where is the money or love or why isn’t it enough we continually create and live in cycles. Perhaps ask yourself, what can I see differently, how can I understand this situation in a new way, free of blame? How can I exhale and experience a moment of no mind so answers may flow to me? How can I release what I am holding onto so I may create with more ease and flow what I truly desire? What else can I do to help myself right now? Just know sometimes the answers aren’t in the problem. Meaning if you ask about money the answer may say take yourself for a walk. Why? So you give yourself an exhale, so you allow room for change.
I frequently found myself in the cycles of borrowing money, behind with bills, chasing it, reaching for it, somewhere within me didn’t believe I could create or receive what I wanted. But over time my coping mechanisms got tighter, narrower, they didn’t work anymore. Month after month I had an eviction notice on my door.
Then one day I hit a wall. Nothing was budging. I needed rent, my usual desperate grasps had finally arrived at a dead end. I cried, threw my hands up in the air and was guided to take a walk. Nature, Mother Earth, the elements, the plants, all supported me in letting go and taking an exhale, in opening to the space of peace. When I got home I still didn’t know how I would solve my problem but somewhere in all of this I allowed Spirit, my guides, my higher self, Source however you term it, help me. And the answer came quite quickly actually.
I had shifted somehow, opened myself in a new way. Those moments didn’t completely rid me of my wounds but they started me on a new path, writing a new story. That of which I no longer had the delinquent notice on my door. Change is a process especially when we are digging deep and being asked to love our sacred wounding.
Perhaps you’ve heard the quote that says something like, “you can’t change the story in the story.” You need new data, more information, to help with another choice which leads to new experiences. That data can be through your thoughts, emotions, energy or listening to that deeper inner guidance.
There is a way to change what anchors you. There is a way to move with more ease and grace with it. Usually we need others to help us - to listen free of judgment and not trying to fix, to offer different perspectives, to help our energy shift and support your changes of a different story.
The path will open at some point but why not help yourself create more ease with it and less struggle now?
May you discover your own core why's so you can enhance or release them, so you may live your life to the fullest of your potential.
I offer you a lense to see more clearly of yourself. This lense spans the past, the present and the future.
In love and blessings,
Susan