The Journey Home: Remembering Who I Am
From an early age, I allowed others to make choices for me.
Why?
I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to fit in. I wanted peace.
Looking back now, I see a little girl afraid to speak her truth - unsure of her worth, desperate to be loved. She believed that if she pleased everyone, if she followed the rules, she'd find happiness. Spoiler: she didn’t.
But I don’t judge her anymore. I hold her hand now.
I tried to follow the "right" path - school, career, something safe I could retire from. But it never quite fit. I wasn't rebellious - I was just lost. I didn’t know who I was or what I truly had to offer the world. So I kept looking outside myself for someone to save me, to give me the answers I couldn’t seem to find on my own.
Of course, that didn’t work.
Each time I handed my power away - whether to a job, a relationship, or someone who seemed more “in tune” - I lost myself a little more. I ignored the whispers that said, this isn’t it. I stayed too long, adapted too much, hoped too hard.
Eventually, the Universe pushed hard enough that I had no choice but to go inward.
But the unraveling didn’t begin with the failed relationships or the jobs that fell apart. It began much earlier.
I grew up in a home where love came in practical forms -homemade clothes, doing what you were told, staying quiet. My mom stayed home. My dad traveled a lot, showing me the world but often feeling emotionally distant. I learned to be polite, to not speak unless spoken to. I learned that certain emotions didn’t matter. That love was earned. That safety meant compliance.
And yet, I also learned optimism.
I learned to see the good in people.
To love animals fiercely.
To give, to be curious.
My parents loved me in the ways they knew how - through the lens of their own wounds. I understand that now. But as an empathic child, none of it made sense. I felt so much. I knew things I wasn’t supposed to. But I was taught not to speak them. So I buried them. I compressed my knowing. I wore a mask.
That mask eventually showed up in my body - in weight struggles, anxiety, gut issues. It showed up in the men I chose, the ways I self-abandoned for the illusion of love. After high school, I floated through life, unsure of who I was. I moved to Washington with my first husband, thinking he was the answer. That marriage gave me my son and a love for the Pacific Northwest - but also the truth: you can’t outrun yourself.
Then came my second husband and my beautiful daughter. I ignored every red flag and three years in, I didn’t even recognize the man I married. His darkness became my daily life - and I endured it all because I knew how to survive dysfunction.
But my soul began to scream for more.
One day, I heard it clearly - this voice outside of me that said, there is more to this life.
And even though I didn’t know it yet, that was the beginning of my healing.
That marriage ended. We lost our home, my job disappeared, and I had barely any money. Still, something opened. I found a quiet space. I started over. Barely scraping by -but breathing.
And then… I started to listen.
I began to follow nudges.
My journey into the spiritual realm began with curiosity and awe. I’d always been fascinated by mediums and psychics - those who could connect to Spirit. Somewhere deep down, I knew I was one of them. But I doubted it. I dismissed it.
I still remember the first intuitive counselor I saw when I was 16 years old: Tony LeRoy. His insight was captivating. I was in awe. But I had already decided, that’s not me. So I continued seeking answers through others. Until something in me whispered, go explore. And this time - I did.
I found mentors - Shamanic practitioners, Earth guides, initiatives.
I started to explore the world within me.
Initially, my soul led me to a Shamanic session with Mara Clear Spring. That was the spark. Slowly, I began to allow the growth and the remembrance of who I am.
I trained in Shamanism.
I got attuned to Reiki and became a Master Teacher.
I became a Yoga Teacher.
I became an Herbal Practitioner
I took channeling and psychic classes and learned other modalities.
I had healing after healing.
All of it - to remember.
Because deep down, I’ve always been a psychic medium. Of course I have. But I didn’t understand it, and I wasn’t ready to claim it. Being empathic, intuitive, and a deep “knower” had always been part of me - but I either dismissed it or feared it made me too different.
I didn’t yet feel worthy of being those things.
Now, I understand: I had to live, to stumble, to fall apart before I could stand firm in my gifts. Before I could accept that I am a channel. That I do speak to Spirit. That I am here to guide others - not from a place of ego, but from deep remembrance.
In 2015, I left the corporate world. Scary, but necessary. A new relationship followed - one that helped me learn to communicate, to be more me. And when it ended, I didn’t fall apart. I opened wider.
This journey hasn’t been linear. It’s been sacred.
It’s been filled with laughter and heartbreak, loss and beauty.
I’ve cried on my knees. I’ve whispered “thank you” through tears.
I’ve looked in the mirror and said: I love you. I see you. You are enough.
I’ve stopped outsourcing my worth.
I’ve stopped looking for approval.
I’ve started living from truth.
I’ve forgiven every version of me who didn’t know how. I’ve thanked every soul who played a part - whether I believed they hurt me or helped me - because they all pointed me home.
And now, I stand here.
Not as someone who has it all figured out, but as someone deeply rooted in her soul. Someone who walked through fire to reclaim her light.
This is the journey home.
To your truth.
To your knowing.
To the divine within you.
It’s messy.
It’s beautiful.
It’s yours.
And if you're ready, my guides, The Counsel of Many, and I are here to walk with you - to help you find your clarity, your healing, your guidance and your growth.
Are you ready?
You are not broken.
You never were.
You are whole.
You are home.
In Love and Gratitude,
Susan and The Counsel of Many
