What this trip to Peru has brought me is clarity, is to see and experience and understand through my heart and to go beyond my past experiences.
I told myself I was done sitting with the Spirit of San Pedro. Five times had been enough. Though all those experiences were unique, the common factor was four out or the five I threw up and mostly from deep within my gut. To not bare you any details, the point is I didn’t want to have an experience once more of gut wrenching purging. And there I was in a container offering to sit once more with this grand spirit. So much arose from within - fear, doubt, repeats of the past. My mind chaotic of what ifs. But I found myself allowing presence. The spirit of Mapacho was brought in to support us. I have found this spirit feels like a safe haven for me. He offers strength in allowing me to exhale and release the mind. When it was time to sit in ceremony with Wachuma I allowed myself the experience. Still unsure if I would consume. I sat with this medicine feeling supported and loved. Feeling I can choose or not and it was okay either way. I choose to drink. The medicine tasted differently. It had been prepared in a way I had not experienced. It was sweet, inviting. There was no battle only observation.
This is only one example through this trip that I have learned even in the “spiritual” teachings there is regiment, processes, lacking movement from the heart. The heart should lead. It is a different experience when it does.
I found myself time and time again going inward with choice. It doesn’t have to be hard. You don’t have to follow the lines. Although those can aide as a guide.
We may learn a structure to help us understand or invite us more into our true nature but it is up to us whether we invite in our own discernment or continue to follow the tasks offered. It is up to us to open our hearts to the teachings and discover ourselves through what we are guided to learn.
There is no wrong or right, it is all of choice. And each one leads you more unto your true essence and purpose.
But question the teachings with how do they sit with you.
I find myself many times not being fully satisfied or not being fully content with what I’ve learned so perhaps that has helped me to continue to question and seek.
For example, San Pedro is often spoken of or referred to as The Grandfather but this spirit is also feminine, it has Grandmother energy as well. But how would we know or experience this if we only link to the masculine? How can we know the spirit in its wholeness? We basically shut a door of fully embracing what this plant offers. But we do this with many things. Close off the wholeness of the spirit because we have isolated its label.
Discover ways to experience the wholeness, your wholeness of life. And growth doesn’t have to be hard or rigid or gut wrenching vomiting.
May you feel the love that holds you so deeply as you walk your unique path.